Rhymes Resevered
I’ve no one left on earth to blame
For what’s become of me, myself, my will
And never had before. I have been weak
To my desires, but weaker still
When trying to invoke them to the world
As wonders, marvels, love! A coward!
I’ll be heard, too late, too little.
Oh what I’d give to be empowered,
Enough to speak my heart, to quell my mind,
To share a kiss, to hit or miss, but swing!
To put that which I own behind me, and stand!
And be a joyous pauper, who wants not rule
Alone, the king of his heart’s land!
I’m affluent in choices, chances, love,
Unchosen, all untaken, and realized none.
I’ve waited long enough, regretting much,
Of what I have, and more of what I haven’t done.
The time to act is now, and has been such
For ever that I can remember. To arms!
Take nothing, no armor, no defense, no weapons!
Leave yourself open to all harm
That comes your way. But chin up, march!
The future is beyond the hill, the battlefield,
The mountain you must scale and river swim!
Lay down your figurative shield
And stand tall! Be willing to lose all
That you have worked to keep and hoard,
Than lose yourself to stale inaction!
Don’t fear to be emotionally gored,
By possible rejection to attraction!
Far better to have tried and failed,
Than never tried at all. And if I fall,
I will get up again to storm the stronghold,
A valiant warrior, bellowing love’s call!
I met this girl during my sophomore year. I was still emotionally stinted from my failures regarding the previous girl and thus only more awkward and shy. She, her friend, and my then housemate, soon friend, and now brother, were downstairs in our house discussing their MSE classes (which I also happened to be in but had failed to recognize this coincidence). Brad, upon recognizing that there were girls in the house went down to scout, and jokingly “claimed” Lauren. I went down “for some water” and immediately fell for Stephanie. She was wearing a hoodie, had her hair up, was emotionally distressed from her then-current relationship, but I still found her stunning.
We were soon the friends that I had been with the previous girl, but after some time I became depressed that we were friends and nothing more. My emotional state yielded the above battle cry, which I withheld but bared my feelings anyway. I was softly rejected. During my junior year I had been without a girlfriend or even a kiss for two years, and then kissed a different friend. The kiss gave me an intense confidence boost and I couldn’t help but share its story with this girl – only to find that this was the deal breaker for her apparently growing feelings for me. We kissed anyway, but she cried that night and asked me to leave, providing ultimate closure for our relationship. We are still friends, but not nearly as close as we had been before my blunder.
